i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
