Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
