I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
