Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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