just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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