Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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