sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
