Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
