my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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