It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
