Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
