I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
