Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
