I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
