Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
