My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
