remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
