my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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