i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
