im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
