If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
