I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
