Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
