So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize