Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
