I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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