MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
