Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
