plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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