Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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