the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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