Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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