Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
