At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
