I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
