I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
