so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
