ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
