She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
