Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
