i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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