Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
