You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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