I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
