UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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