Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize