Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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