Christians are straight up FREAKS
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
