Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
