i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
