My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
