guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
false alarm, still single
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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