just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
