Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
