Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
