oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
