if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
