Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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