Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
