you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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