I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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