I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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