please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
