i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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