Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
