he told me I talked like a deaf person
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
