So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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