We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
