did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
