I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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