awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
