Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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