I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it was like eating out sand paper
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
