when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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