Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We talked him into tasing himself.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
