you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize