I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We have so much sex to catch up on
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
