So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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