I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
