Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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