chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
