12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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