I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
