we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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