i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
